In today’s world, Muslim parents face unique challenges as they strive to raise children rooted in Islam. Today’s environment poses several external influences, such as peers, social media, and popular culture. Dr. Gordon Neufeld and Dr. Gabor Maté’s book, Hold On to Your Kids, offers valuable insights into how parents can nurture strong, loving bonds with their children. These insights beautifully align with Islamic teachings on parenting, to Improve your Relationship with Children as a Muslim Parent, and can help to shape a child’s emotional, moral, and spiritual development.
7 Practical Tips for Muslim Parents to Improve their Relationship with Children
Today, we will discuss 7 practical, actionable tips – grounded in both Islamic principles and modern psychology—that Muslim parents can adopt to strengthen their connection with their children and raise them as confident, grounded Muslims.
1. The Importance of Attachment in Islamic Parenting
Islam places tremendous emphasis on the parent-child relationship. The Quran commands children to show love and respect to their parents, and likewise, it is the parents’ responsibility to nurture a close, affectionate relationship with their children. A strong bond is the foundation for raising morally upright children, ensuring that they grow up with a strong sense of identity and values, rather than relying on peer approval.
As mentioned in Hold On to Your Kids, when children are securely attached to their parents, they are less vulnerable to negative external influences. This concept aligns perfectly with Islamic teachings, where family is seen as the cornerstone of a child’s upbringing.
Create daily opportunities for one-on-one bonding time with your child. Whether it’s a short walk, reading stories from the Quran, or engaging in an activity your child enjoys, make time each day to connect with them.
Example: Set up a “Quran storytime” every evening, where you narrate the stories of the Prophets (AS) and discuss the lessons learned. This not only builds your relationship but also instills Islamic values in a natural, engaging way.
2. Addressing Peer Pressure Through Islamic Guidance
One of the key lessons from Hold On to Your Kids is the danger of “peer orientation,” where children begin to seek approval and identity from their friends rather than their parents. In Islam, parents are the primary guides for a child’s moral and spiritual development. If a child becomes overly influenced by peers, especially those who don’t share Islamic values, it can lead to confusion, moral conflict, and even rebellion.
Islam teaches us to guide our children toward good company and protect them from harmful influences.
Teach your child how to choose friends wisely, based on Islamic character. Focus on traits like honesty, kindness, and respect for others, and use Islamic stories to reinforce these values.
Example: Discuss the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) about the good companion being like a perfume seller, while the bad companion is like a blacksmith. Help your child understand how good friends bring them closer to Allah, while bad influences lead them astray.
Or you can organize Islamic play-dates or study groups where your children can interact with other Muslim children. This allows them to form friendships based on shared values, reducing the influence of negative peer pressure.
3. Meeting Emotional Needs: Practicing Empathy in Parenting
Children need emotional connection and support from their parents, and if they don’t receive it, they will seek it elsewhere. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was known for his deep empathy, especially with children. He would bend down to their level, listen to their concerns, and treat them with immense kindness and love.
Hold On to Your Kids emphasizes the importance of being emotionally available to your children. In Islam, this is reflected in the concept of rahmah (mercy) and shura (consultation), where parents listen and validate their children’s feelings, fostering emotional security.
Be an active, compassionate listener. When your child shares their feelings, don’t dismiss or judge them. Instead, acknowledge their emotions, offering comfort and guidance.
Example: If your child comes home upset after a disagreement with a friend, listen to their concerns without interrupting. Then, help them process their emotions by reminding them of the Islamic principles of forgiveness and patience.
4. Balancing Discipline and Mercy in Islamic Parenting
Islamic parenting is a balance between compassion and discipline. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) showed us that parenting should be based on mercy, even when setting boundaries. Just as Hold On to Your Kids advocates for a parenting approach that combines firmness with warmth, Islam teaches that discipline should be delivered with kindness and wisdom.
Set clear, age-appropriate boundaries based on Islamic values, but explain the rationale behind them. When children understand why certain rules exist, they are more likely to follow them willingly.
Use positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior, especially when it aligns with Islamic principles like honesty, respect, and responsibility. Celebrate small victories in your child’s journey towards becoming a better Muslim.
Example: When enforcing screen time limits, explain how excessive screen time can lead to negative habits or distance from important activities like Salah. Share how everything in Islam encourages balance, including the use of technology.
When your child prays without being reminded, offer praise and encouragement: “MashaAllah, I’m so proud of you for remembering to pray on time. Allah loves those who remember Him.”
5. Navigating Technology and Social Media: An Islamic Approach
In today’s digital age, technology and social media present one of the greatest challenges to maintaining a strong parent-child bond. Hold On to Your Kids warns about the negative impact of excessive screen time and online peer influence. As Muslim parents, we must strike a balance between allowing children access to technology and protecting them from harmful content.
Islam encourages moderation in all things, including the use of technology.
Set boundaries on screen time and be actively involved in what your child consumes. Encourage content that aligns with Islamic values, such as Islamic cartoons, educational apps, or online Quran classes.
Teach your child Islamic etiquette for using social media, such as avoiding gossip, backbiting, or inappropriate content. Remind them of the Quranic verse: “Do not spy or backbite each other. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his brother?” (49:12).
Example: Create a family tech-free time, like during meals or before bed. Use this time to connect through meaningful conversations or share Islamic stories. This reduces distractions and builds a sense of closeness.
6. Reconnecting with Your Child When the Bond Weakens
It’s common for parents to feel disconnected from their children, especially as they grow older. However, it’s never too late to rebuild that relationship. Hold On to Your Kids emphasizes the importance of taking intentional steps to re-establish the bond, which is also an Islamic principle.
If you’ve become distant, acknowledge it and apologize if necessary. Humility is a powerful way to reconnect. Show your child that you are committed to being there for them moving forward.
Spend time doing activities your child enjoys. Even if their interests seem different from your own, participating in their hobbies shows you care and helps rebuild the bond.
Example: If your teenager has been withdrawing, approach them with sincerity: “I’ve been really busy lately and haven’t been spending much time with you. Let’s do something together this weekend—maybe go to the mosque or have a special outing.”
7. Strengthening Your Child’s Islamic Identity
In a world full of external pressures, the best defense a Muslim child has is a strong Islamic identity. When children are secure in their faith, they are less likely to be influenced by negative trends or peer pressure. Hold On to Your Kids teaches that attachment to family strengthens a child’s values, and in Islam, attachment to Allah and the family unit is the foundation of a strong identity.
Regularly engage your child in Islamic activities that nurture their spiritual growth, such as attending the mosque, memorizing Quran, or participating in community service.
Teach your child about the lives of great Muslims from history, both male and female, who exemplified Islamic values in challenging times. This fosters pride in their identity as Muslims and gives them role models to emulate.
Example: Encourage your child to join you in praying Salah at the mosque, emphasizing the sense of community and closeness to Allah that comes from worshiping together.
Conclusion: The Parent-Child Bond as a Key to Raising Righteous Muslim Children
Strengthening the parent-child bond is essential for raising children with strong Islamic values in today’s world. By practicing empathy, setting firm but loving boundaries, managing technology wisely, and nurturing your child’s Islamic identity, you create a protective environment that helps them navigate external influences.
The teachings of Hold On to Your Kids resonate deeply with Islamic principles of parenting, offering timeless wisdom that Muslim parents can use to raise emotionally secure, spiritually grounded, and morally upright children.
Let us hold onto our kids—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually—by fostering an environment of love, guidance, and Islamic values. InshaAllah, these small efforts will bear fruit, raising children who are resilient in their faith and confident in their identity as Muslims.
